Disruptive change

These are times of disruptive change. The world around us disintegrates, dissolves, evaporates. Banking, the car industry, journalism.

How did it come to this? Evolution is supposed to be gradual, not overnight. This is hard. How do we work through it? How do we emerge victorious?

Reading the Tao, I realize the duality of all things. There is no winning...not without losing. And winning and losing are judgments that are meaningless. How do we know when we have won? Lost?

I watched a lame movie over this dredfully cold, wet and dreary weekend. A pretty bad Nicholas Cage movie called "Family Man." But I learned something from it. We think we are winning, that we have won when we are happy. But what if there were an alternate reality where the opposite of our experience were true and we were happy with that? What if we don't know what's best for us.

I know that. I know that incredibly well. I have no idea what is best for me. The universe might know. I hope to god, the universe knows (notice the distinction between god and universe. What the hell is that? But there is a distinction. God is ... well god. HE passes judgment. HE decides whether I am worthy. The universe is ... everything. It's all good. Hmmmmmm.)

So, back to journalism, because the banking industry, the car industry, the housing industry...none of them are my world the way journalism is my world. And it is changing. And we can't control it. And it's hard to form a framework for what it is going to be. We all like definable boundaries, a box of sorts. to put things in.

This is a formless, shapeless blob. You can call it a cloud if you like...but I don't think it's that pretty. I think it's an oilslick.

And I'm not sure we can we clean it up before it destroys all the wildlife and pollutes the world.

In the stream

There was a time in my life when I would gush words, sentences and paragraphs, certain in my heart that I had something to say that others would want to read.

The older I get, the less I feel that way. I always thought the opposite. After I had lived a bit, I thought, after I had traveled, experienced success and loss, then I really would have things to say that would be worthwhile. I would have some wisdom to impart.

What a joke.

If I had only known that the older you get the less wise you feel, I would have spouted ad infinitum. Oh, that's right, I did...only it was on paper, paper that's stuffed in boxes in closets and attics. The days before blogs and Web sites and FB.

I have shit to say. And I should say it. I just have to silence the editor in my head. I could be one of those bloggers on the edge, but it probably won't happen until I retire. I live my life in fear. One day I will be free. And then watch out world. I will be a voice that will be heard.